Saturday, February 12, 2011

Stir it Up

It's been a rough week this week.  Which really stinks.

There's been some stirring up of trouble on my step-daughter's part this week, which only makes life hard for everyone --her included.

I don't understand that AT ALL.

It wasn't even anything major, but it's the consistent game of stirring up trouble to cause continuous conflict.

I think part of it is that is the only way of life she knows when she's with her mom, but it has been gone for awhile and recently it has started recurring.  In the past, while she spoke to her mom on the phone while here, we were so hesitant of saying anything outloud that her mom would overhear and then cause more grief for everyone for. For example,  we'd not correct her on something to avoid the drama on the other end of the line.

After living together for 3 1/2 years, my attitude is such that it's irrelevant who you're talking to, if you're incorrect, you will be corrected.   What happens in my house is my responsibility and outsiders don't get a say.

Last night when step-daughter was speaking to her mom, she told her that I made her drink gatorade and  that gave her diarrhea.   I happened to be walking through the room where she was and overheard her say that. I stopped and just said, "You're 6. Not a doctor.  You have gatorade to drink so you don't get dehydrated."

I was pissed.   I guess if I was dealing with a sane mother, it wouldn't be a big deal, but the onslaught of drama that a simple statement like that brings, irritates me. (She'd had a fever, so I was keeping her hydrated and had been sick, hence the diarrhea.)

When she got off the phone we talked about it more and I explained that she's the kid, I'm the grownup and I know what I'm doing as a mother. I told her I don't appreciate her stirring up trouble with her mom and asked her why she was doing that.  Her answer, "I don't know." 

That's my least favorite answer from her EVER.

So, as we head into a new week, I'm hoping this was just a bump and next week will be better. But...

I haven't been so lucky with that hope lately.

Friday, February 11, 2011

5 Qs Friday

1. Would you rather be on ABC's Extreme Home MakeOver or TLC's What not to Wear?
Extreme Makeover Home Edition hands down!  I love comfortable in my clothes fashion isn't really my thing, but I'm not so outdated that I need serious intervention.

2. Do you have any tattoos?
Not a chance. My fear of needles FARRRRRRRRRRRRR outweighs anything I could think I would want on my body for eternity.

3. Do you tell your kids about things you did growing up?
All the time!  The love to hear about when we were kids--at least for now, they still like it! I'm sure soon enough we'll be "lame".

4. If the traffic signal turns yellow, do you stop or speed up?
I never speed up, but if I will make it by maintaining my speed, I go through.  Always err on the side of caution!

5. What's your preference: chocolate or chips?
Tough question!!  Sometimes I need salty and sometimes I need sweet!  The best is popcorn with peanut M&Ms--perfect mix.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Thursday Hop on Pop

 Looking for new blogs to read and new bloggy friends to make. :)

Who Does it Hurt?

I will never understand the purpose behind saying crappy things to kids about their "other" parent.  I am divorced with a child from my previous marriage.  There were and still are times his dad pisses me off even almost 9 years later.  Our child has NEVER experienced that crap from me.

Does it make me nuts sometimes when I see facial expressions or mannerisms etc. of my ex in our child? Yes, it does.  But, he wouldn't be who he is without both of us.  And I love my son more just the way he is.

Saying things TO your kid about their home, their family, their clothes etc. with "the other parent" and family, doesn't hurt anyone EXCEPT your own child.

Putting your child in the shower the moment you get them back to your house because our house is "dirty" doesn't make ME feel badly...but hello there're telling your child that SHE is dirty.

Telling her we're lazy and fat and stupid doesn't hurt us.  But, rest assured it hurts HER. 

We just pick up your pieces.

When you look at your kid and say things that are hurtful and nasty about her "other parent", YOU ARE SAYING THEM ABOUT HALF OF HER.

Who does it hurt? 

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Valentine's Day Boxes

Remember how exciting Valentine's parties are in elementary school?!

I loved them! Decorating our boxes, picking out the perfect cards for my friends and for my teacher, eating delicious goodies at school, exchanging Valentine's in our class and  just generally feeling happy!

Valentine's Day falls on a day my stepdaughter is with her mother this year. 

Typically school projects become a "competition" of sorts on her mother's end.  For me, it's black and white. Valentine's falls on your time, you handle it.  It falls on our time, we handle it.  Unless my step-daughter specifically requests differently. 

Some open-ended projects that overlap time is where the "competition" begins. 

As a 1st grader now --having gone through one previous year of school -- you'd think it would be figured out by now. 
What I mean by open-ended are those types where the teacher gives the information and the project is due within a week or so.  Basically overlapping time with our families. 

Mom's answer initially was just for stepdaughter to do two of everything.  Ummm...WHAT?  For example, who wants their kid to have two back-to-school "about me" projects or two Valentine's boxes or two of EVERYTHING, so that the kid feels "different" at school? 

We went through that last year in kindergarten and somewhat in preschool.  THE PROJECTS ARE NOT ABOUT ME! They're about my step-daughter.  But, obviously, the mother disagrees. 

We've (in our house) long since just adopted that when those open-ended projects come up, the mother will do them.  (No, that's not a typo.)  Not step-daughter on mother's time. THE MOTHER WILL DO THEM.

Valentine's Day boxes for her class are due on our time this year, but it fell as one of the open-ended projects I described above. One that crosses times.

I only want to ensure that my stepdaughter has what she needs for school. I don't care where it is done, if SHE'S doing it.  Last night she said on the phone that she was doing it here with us and her mom was doing her Valentine's cards and candy. Even she knows. HA!

We'll see what happens.

Off to locate a shoebox...

Monday, February 7, 2011

The Why

I am a half-time step-mom to a 6 year old girl.

"Half-time" meaning she lives in our home half her time.

I am a biological mother to two other children. One from a previous marriage and one I share with my husband.

Your basic:  his, mine and ours.

I needed a place to write about my feelings and experiences dealing with all the aspects that come along with being a step-mother.  The good, the bad and the ugly.

Sometimes I feel like my life is like a Lifetime movie that I find disturbing and I want to change the channel.
Other times, it's like one of those movies where you want to cozy on the couch under a blanket and watch an all day marathon.

I just needed a place to write about all of it.

This place with have that focus----that which involves my step-daughter: parenting her, her relationships with  us, dealing with her mother, and all the idiocy there, her schooling, activities, and the like.

My intention is only to have a place to write about this part of my life...freely.