Well, I'm in a better place than I was last week. Thank God.
I don't enjoy feeling that way. Anger isn't me.
My husband spent some time talking with my step-daughter about the events of late. She told him she didn't care that he and I got mad, she just didn't want her mom to get mad. Awesome.
I feel like we're at our last hope with this. We've got a plan in motion, so I'm crossing fingers and praying that it works out. Lord knows, she isn't going to just magically turn her behavior around.
So, we'll see how that goes.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
The Pot Gets Stirred Some More
Well, it's clearly been a few months since I've posted.
I've been working through some things, on some others and trying to figure out how to navigate through some of my own feelings I'm not so proud of.
In the last several months, we've had a lot of ups and downs, however I'm in a place of wanting to just be away from my step-daughter entirely. I have watched her grow from a sweet kid to a manipulative, sneaky one and I'm disgusted by her behavior.
Oh I get it, she tries to please her mother, but she has started asking me questions about what I think about a subject even as minuscule as about a pair of earrings. She then takes what I say back to her mother, twists it to stir up trouble. She's smart enough at seven to take words I actually say, manipulate them into what her mother wants to hear-i.e. shit to make me the wicked step-mother.
So, I'm currently in a place of zero desire for my step-daughter to even speak to me because I cannot trust her.
Yes, I know she's a child, but this many years later and the legal hoops we've endured, I am fed up. And you know what she exudes from her face when you ask her WHY she says and does these things??? SATISFACTION.
I'm disgusted right now and figuring out my way to work on my feelings.
Thank God I have found some fellow step-mothers and future step-mothers to talk to and commiserate with!
I've been working through some things, on some others and trying to figure out how to navigate through some of my own feelings I'm not so proud of.
In the last several months, we've had a lot of ups and downs, however I'm in a place of wanting to just be away from my step-daughter entirely. I have watched her grow from a sweet kid to a manipulative, sneaky one and I'm disgusted by her behavior.
Oh I get it, she tries to please her mother, but she has started asking me questions about what I think about a subject even as minuscule as about a pair of earrings. She then takes what I say back to her mother, twists it to stir up trouble. She's smart enough at seven to take words I actually say, manipulate them into what her mother wants to hear-i.e. shit to make me the wicked step-mother.
So, I'm currently in a place of zero desire for my step-daughter to even speak to me because I cannot trust her.
Yes, I know she's a child, but this many years later and the legal hoops we've endured, I am fed up. And you know what she exudes from her face when you ask her WHY she says and does these things??? SATISFACTION.
I'm disgusted right now and figuring out my way to work on my feelings.
Thank God I have found some fellow step-mothers and future step-mothers to talk to and commiserate with!
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Stir it Up
It's been a rough week this week. Which really stinks.
There's been some stirring up of trouble on my step-daughter's part this week, which only makes life hard for everyone --her included.
I don't understand that AT ALL.
It wasn't even anything major, but it's the consistent game of stirring up trouble to cause continuous conflict.
I think part of it is that is the only way of life she knows when she's with her mom, but it has been gone for awhile and recently it has started recurring. In the past, while she spoke to her mom on the phone while here, we were so hesitant of saying anything outloud that her mom would overhear and then cause more grief for everyone for. For example, we'd not correct her on something to avoid the drama on the other end of the line.
After living together for 3 1/2 years, my attitude is such that it's irrelevant who you're talking to, if you're incorrect, you will be corrected. What happens in my house is my responsibility and outsiders don't get a say.
Last night when step-daughter was speaking to her mom, she told her that I made her drink gatorade and that gave her diarrhea. I happened to be walking through the room where she was and overheard her say that. I stopped and just said, "You're 6. Not a doctor. You have gatorade to drink so you don't get dehydrated."
I was pissed. I guess if I was dealing with a sane mother, it wouldn't be a big deal, but the onslaught of drama that a simple statement like that brings, irritates me. (She'd had a fever, so I was keeping her hydrated and had been sick, hence the diarrhea.)
When she got off the phone we talked about it more and I explained that she's the kid, I'm the grownup and I know what I'm doing as a mother. I told her I don't appreciate her stirring up trouble with her mom and asked her why she was doing that. Her answer, "I don't know."
That's my least favorite answer from her EVER.
So, as we head into a new week, I'm hoping this was just a bump and next week will be better. But...
I haven't been so lucky with that hope lately.
There's been some stirring up of trouble on my step-daughter's part this week, which only makes life hard for everyone --her included.
I don't understand that AT ALL.
It wasn't even anything major, but it's the consistent game of stirring up trouble to cause continuous conflict.
I think part of it is that is the only way of life she knows when she's with her mom, but it has been gone for awhile and recently it has started recurring. In the past, while she spoke to her mom on the phone while here, we were so hesitant of saying anything outloud that her mom would overhear and then cause more grief for everyone for. For example, we'd not correct her on something to avoid the drama on the other end of the line.
After living together for 3 1/2 years, my attitude is such that it's irrelevant who you're talking to, if you're incorrect, you will be corrected. What happens in my house is my responsibility and outsiders don't get a say.
Last night when step-daughter was speaking to her mom, she told her that I made her drink gatorade and that gave her diarrhea. I happened to be walking through the room where she was and overheard her say that. I stopped and just said, "You're 6. Not a doctor. You have gatorade to drink so you don't get dehydrated."
I was pissed. I guess if I was dealing with a sane mother, it wouldn't be a big deal, but the onslaught of drama that a simple statement like that brings, irritates me. (She'd had a fever, so I was keeping her hydrated and had been sick, hence the diarrhea.)
When she got off the phone we talked about it more and I explained that she's the kid, I'm the grownup and I know what I'm doing as a mother. I told her I don't appreciate her stirring up trouble with her mom and asked her why she was doing that. Her answer, "I don't know."
That's my least favorite answer from her EVER.
So, as we head into a new week, I'm hoping this was just a bump and next week will be better. But...
I haven't been so lucky with that hope lately.
Friday, February 11, 2011
5 Qs Friday
1. Would you rather be on ABC's Extreme Home MakeOver or TLC's What not to Wear?
Extreme Makeover Home Edition hands down! I love comfortable in my clothes fashion isn't really my thing, but I'm not so outdated that I need serious intervention.
2. Do you have any tattoos?
Not a chance. My fear of needles FARRRRRRRRRRRRR outweighs anything I could think I would want on my body for eternity.
3. Do you tell your kids about things you did growing up?
All the time! The love to hear about when we were kids--at least for now, they still like it! I'm sure soon enough we'll be "lame".
4. If the traffic signal turns yellow, do you stop or speed up?
I never speed up, but if I will make it by maintaining my speed, I go through. Always err on the side of caution!
5. What's your preference: chocolate or chips?
Tough question!! Sometimes I need salty and sometimes I need sweet! The best is popcorn with peanut M&Ms--perfect mix.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Who Does it Hurt?
I will never understand the purpose behind saying crappy things to kids about their "other" parent. I am divorced with a child from my previous marriage. There were and still are times his dad pisses me off even almost 9 years later. Our child has NEVER experienced that crap from me.
Does it make me nuts sometimes when I see facial expressions or mannerisms etc. of my ex in our child? Yes, it does. But, he wouldn't be who he is without both of us. And I love my son more just the way he is.
Saying things TO your kid about their home, their family, their clothes etc. with "the other parent" and family, doesn't hurt anyone EXCEPT your own child.
Putting your child in the shower the moment you get them back to your house because our house is "dirty" doesn't make ME feel badly...but hello there clueless....you're telling your child that SHE is dirty.
Telling her we're lazy and fat and stupid doesn't hurt us. But, rest assured it hurts HER.
We just pick up your pieces.
When you look at your kid and say things that are hurtful and nasty about her "other parent", YOU ARE SAYING THEM ABOUT HALF OF HER.
Who does it hurt?
Does it make me nuts sometimes when I see facial expressions or mannerisms etc. of my ex in our child? Yes, it does. But, he wouldn't be who he is without both of us. And I love my son more just the way he is.
Saying things TO your kid about their home, their family, their clothes etc. with "the other parent" and family, doesn't hurt anyone EXCEPT your own child.
Putting your child in the shower the moment you get them back to your house because our house is "dirty" doesn't make ME feel badly...but hello there clueless....you're telling your child that SHE is dirty.
Telling her we're lazy and fat and stupid doesn't hurt us. But, rest assured it hurts HER.
We just pick up your pieces.
When you look at your kid and say things that are hurtful and nasty about her "other parent", YOU ARE SAYING THEM ABOUT HALF OF HER.
Who does it hurt?
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
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